Sometime in the seventh grade, junior Claire Boenitz discovered something about herself. Something that some people take years to figure out. She likes writing. She likes Supernatural. She likes girls. A lot.

“Everyone always talked about having crushes on boys like, ‘Oh this guy’s cute, oh that guy’s cute’ and I always kind of chimed in like, ‘Oh yeah, he is really cute,’ but I never really felt it,” Claire said. “And one day I was like, ‘Oh, I understand that feeling.’ but it was for a chick and I was like, ‘wait a second- something’s not normal here.’”

Because of how people around her seemed to view homosexuality as something to be ashamed of, Claire waited to come out. She waited until she was sure that what she was feeling was real. But that sense of knowing didn’t quite stop the nerves.

“Oh, I was absolutely worried what other people would think,” Claire said. “I mean, you hear so much. It probably started in middle school, people saying, ‘Oh, that homework’s gay,’ and the rumors going, ‘Oh, she’s a lesbian,’ like it’s a bad thing.”

For a year, Claire kept things under wraps around her family. It wasn’t that she thought they wouldn’t accept her, or that she would be made to feel uncomfortable, it was that she wasn’t entirely sure of her feelings. Eventually, she decided to confide in her mom while they trained together for a half-marathon.

“She just kind of told me she thought she had unfriend-like feelings towards her friends, and it was not a complete surprise when she told me, but I think my first reaction was mostly, ‘Oh, wow. This is not going to be an easy path for you,’” Claire’s mother Cathy Boenitz said. “That was my first concern, just because there are so many people who are prejudiced against gays. Obviously everyone has the opportunity for someone to hold something against them, but I think being a gay teenager, you have more opportunity for someone to hold things against you. As a mom, it’s hard to think that all of a sudden your child is going to be subject to that more.”

With the support of her mom, Claire decided to finally come out to her friends. She felt confident that she was hanging around the right people, the people who would accept her for who she was. It happened freshman year.

“If you wanna be her friend, her love life has nothing to do with you, and, you know, who she’s interested in, that doesn’t affect you at all,” Claire’s friend junior Tessa Smith said. “And she’s still a great person, and she still makes me laugh all the time, and it doesn’t matter if she likes boys or girls. She’s still hilarious and awesome to be around.”

With the support of her friends and family, Claire has found the confidence to embrace who she is. Many kids face the most strife with their parents not understanding their orientation or believing that they’ve done something to cause their child’s alternative lifestyle. Cathy feels that what parents need to remember is that their child’s sexuality is not a choice. In the same way that people don’t choose to be straight, they don’t choose to be gay.

“I think the important thing for parents to remember is, number one, this is still your child, the child that you have loved and raised,” Cathy said. “Just because their sexual orientation is not what you expect doesn’t change who they are. I think the other thing to remember is that it’s not about you. I think some parents go, ‘Oh my gosh, how are people going to look at me? Are they going to blame me and how I raised them and that’s why they’re gay?’ It has nothing to do with me. Her sexual orientation has nothing to do with me. It’s not a choice, it’s the way she is, and I think that’s what people forget.”

Many teens who fall somewhere within the LGBT spectrum often don’t have the positive experience that Claire has had. They find themselves dealing with prejudiced parents, communities, religious figures and others who discriminate against them for their sexuality. As a member of the gay-straight alliance (GSA), Claire has met multiple people who find themselves under this dark umbrella.

“[Claire’s experience is] not typical,” Guidance Counselor and GSA Sponsor Mary Kerr-Grant said. “Just in our last two meetings, we’ve had students talking about how their families are not supportive, and so Claire was saying that she’s been very lucky that kids at school don’t give her a hard time and her family doesn’t give her a hard time. I think sometimes it’s the family support that makes them do better at school, you know, because they don’t have that kind of constant stress from home.”

Because so many don’t get the chance to speak out for fear of discrimination and prejudice, Cathy believes it’s important to talk about a bright side to coming out that maybe people haven’t thought about.

“You hear so many negative stories and so many people have such negative experiences when they come out that then kids who haven’t come out yet are scared, so I think it’s good for them to know that not everybody has a bad experience,” Cathy said. “Claire’s experience has been very positive, and I think that gives hope to other kids.”

The most important thing that Claire feels she has learned, from both her experiences and the experiences of others around her, is to be who she is and not succumb to anyone’s wishes but her own. But, she also realizes that everyone’s process is unique, and what may be the right time for someone to come out may not be the right time for someone else.

“Don’t feel any pressure to come out, absolutely not,” Claire said. “It’s a hard situation, and I realize that a lot of people, like if it’s a case where they do it to feel safe, and hiding it is what makes you feel safe in that environment, don’t do it. Do it when you’re ready. Just know that you need to accept yourself before you can expect other people to accept you.”