Looks can be deceiving, to say the least. Looking at FHN graduate Elisabeth Condon, you might not guess that she’s been living with a mental illness since middle school. Hearing her talk about political science or songs she can play on the guitar, you’d never know about her struggle with darkness since the tragedy that landed her in the hospital for six days. Seeing her smile and laugh, red lipstick like a bright beacon, you might never guess that she once gave up on enjoying life, only to pull herself back together and become a role model to many.

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It began in middle school, towards the end of her eighth grade year. She would have thoughts of harming herself to cope with the stress of her life and it was a struggle to suppress them. After having dealt with the thoughts and the impulses that came with her undiagnosed depression for some time, she realized she couldn’t handle it on her own and told her parents, Kevin and Jennifer Condon, in the beginning of her freshman year of high school. They were shocked that their daughter had been struggling with her demons for so long, but immediately found her a therapist to help. She was diagnosed with mild depression and therapy began. Things might have continued looking up for Elisabeth if tragedy hadn’t struck just a week later.

“I was holding his hand on Nov. 8 and he passed away on Nov. 9,” Elisabeth said.

Elisabeth went to school on Nov. 9, 2010, expecting to see her friend just like any other day, when Darlene Jones, Head Principal at the time, came over the PA system to make an announcement that would change Elisabeth’s life forever.

“She [Jones] said, ‘I have some unfortunate news,’ and my brain just knew…,” Elisabeth said.

One of her good friends had committed suicide.

“It was immensely difficult to process. I was screaming and crying, it was just a whirlwind flurry of rage and grief,” Elisabeth said. “It was like my whole body was just there and I was somewhere else completely.”

According to Elisabeth, the world went silent. She could see people getting upset and she could see her teacher and other students rushing to calm her down, but she was too far gone to process what had happened. Her first hour teacher then escorted her to the Learning Commons, where grief counselors from all over the district had gathered to help students.

“I remember I was looking out the back corner of the library where you can see the North sign, and it was a beautiful day – blue sky, it was warm, beautiful white clouds – and I was so amazed that it wasn’t raining or something like that,” Elisabeth said. “It was a beautiful day, but this horrible thing had happened, and I think that’s when I realized the world’s not going to stop for this.”

When Elisabeth got home from school that day, her parents took her to see her therapist. He recommended that she be taken to CenterPointe Hospital for evaluation, since everyone, including Elisabeth herself, was concerned about her safety given her emotional state. After being evaluated, Elisabeth was admitted into the hospital, where she would spend six days receiving intensive therapy and medication to stabilize her mood. The admittance came as a shock to the Condon family, who was not expecting such a drastic measure to be taken, but they understood that Elisabeth would be the safest under constant surveillance.

“By effectively removing her from our family, and removing the control we felt like we should have had, and kind of taking it out of our hands and putting her in a locked psych ward was traumatic for everyone,” Jennifer said. “We had another child at home, you know, that was two years younger and I think she, too, was kind of traumatized by the ‘what ifs’. It was very scary. I think we were still scared, but we were at least somewhat relieved that she would have no choice but to be safe there because she was so heavily monitored.”

The adjustment inside the hospital was difficult for Elisabeth to make, especially considering that she was not released to attend [her friend’s] funeral, and the struggle to adapt continued after her release.

The tragic event took what had been mild depression and accelerated it. According to Elisabeth, she walked around in a constant fog from the medication she was put on- not feeling happy, not feeling sad, just not feeling anything. She began to care less and less about what was happening to her, and her relationships and grades suffered as a result. Eventually, the right combination of a fitting therapist, the correct medication and a strong support system gave her the motivation to pick herself back up.

“You get to a point where you’re just like, ‘I have to stop giving up,’” Elisabeth said. “I got to that point where I was like, ‘I have to start caring about me. No one else is gonna do this for me,’ and that’s when I kinda think I turned my stuff around.”

The therapy and medication continued, and with her elevated mood also came an elevation of energy and motivation to do well in school, get past her struggles and move towards success.

“It’s not always easy when you suffer from depression to move yourself into a positive space, but she, at least with the help of the medication and the therapy, began to see the light at the end of the tunnel and she moved toward that,” Jennifer said. “And that made a huge difference.”

After trying multiple therapists, the Condons decided to try Dr. Craig Voorhees, who happened to be her friend’s therapist at the time of his passing. He helped Elisabeth to move past some of the guilt and responsibility she felt for what happened to her friend, and know that she didn’t have to shoulder that burden alone.

“I think it helped Elisabeth to be able to talk to someone who knew [her friend] and for her to be able to see someone else who might have also felt responsible for not seeing signs…,” Jennifer said. “I think it helped for her to see Dr. Voorhees to help her understand that [her friend’s] death was not her responsibility, and it also wasn’t her responsibility to help everyone else in the world at her own expense.”

Another important aspect of Elisabeth’s recovery was getting involved in school activities. She became a Freshmen Mentor her junior and senior years, and grew close to her mentees, who still contact her for advice today. Her junior year, she joined StuCo and enjoyed it enough to become a cabinet member her senior year.

“In StuCo, she was always very concerned about the well-being of others,” StuCo sponsor Jani Wilkens said. “When she was running a committee, she would make sure that all the people that were a part of her committee felt like they were important and needed. She’s like a cheerleader for other people who struggle, because she’s been down that road herself. She’s so supportive of her friends and classmates, and even people she doesn’t even know.”

Since her recovery, Elisabeth has been passionate about removing the negative stigma often associated with mental illnesses like depression, which she still has to manage for the rest of her life.

“I think it’s important to realize that with some people, their brains are sick,” Elisabeth said. “There’s this big stigma surrounding mental illness, but really it’s the same thing as anyone else who’s physically sick getting treatment. My brain’s part of my body, just like my legs are, so just because it’s in my head doesn’t make it any different from a physical illness. I still have to treat it, I still have to take care of it, because it’s my body.”

Although Elisabeth’s experiences were on the extreme side, she feels grateful for them because she feels they’ve made her a stronger person. A part of her healing process has been to share her story with others in hopes of helping someone realize that what they’re going through isn’t abnormal and that they shouldn’t feel that they are alone.

“The first person that told me that my story made them feel better about themselves made every crappy thing that I went through in high school and in my freshman year- through losing [my friend], through going to the hospital, everything- it made it all worth it,” Elisabeth said. “That one person.”