I remembered how our tree twinkled with ornaments and how all the colorful lights cast bright shadows by our fireplace. We left out milk and cookies for Santa. My Elf on the Shelf, Findley, was watching us prepare for the arrival of Santa on Christmas Eve. Snow quietly fell outside as me and my family sat down to watch Elf, our favorite Christmas movie. Everything was right in life because it was Christmas. 

But no more does Findley watch from his perch. Santa does not have any more milk and cookies waiting for him. And the magic of Christmas is out of my grasp. 

When I was little, December was always a magical time. In school, we made crafts to bring home to our parents. I got handed the toy catalog and circled with a Sharpie what I wanted for Christmas. Of course, I had to be good because Findley would report me to Santa if I wasn’t. Christmas has always been and probably always will be my favorite holiday. I love the cold winter weather and the subsequent flurries of snow that sporadically garnish St. Charles. There was a certain magic that came with the Christmas season that you just couldn’t get with other holidays. I think it’s the warmth that you feel when you think of Christmas. Or maybe the opportunity to see family, Whatever it may be, there’s a feeling you get when you think of Christmas. But come this holiday season, it will never truly measure up to the nostalgic Christmas of my childhood.

It makes me sad when Christmas rolls around now. I love the idea of Christmas more then the season itself. No matter how much I try to decorate, buy presents or bake treats, nothing can ever regain that feeling that childhood Christmas brought. 

But I will certainly try. I will play my Christmas playlist which I spent many hours cultivating. I will watch my favorite Christmas movies and I will continue to decorate my house so that it resembles Santa’s workshop. I will never give up hope that one day, I will again feel that magic of a nostalgic Christmas.