Growing up, I never really cared about my background. My parents always reminded me that I was loved and unique, my friends might’ve said I was funny and kind and my teacher might even say I was a bit talkative, however, when I truly look around and see everyones’ backgrounds and traditions, it’s hard not to ponder the question of what’s in the mirror.

Don’t get me wrong, I can tell you my nationality. I can tell you my dad’s not from here. I can share my mom’s American roots- but ethnicity isn’t always about the facts. In my opinion, it’s about how you represent yourself.

That has been a topic I’ve struggled with over the past few years. Growing up, my dad has never enjoyed sharing his past or where he comes from. He likes to say it doesn’t matter, but how can a girl grow up when she can count the amount of people whose skin tone matches hers on one hand? How can you tell any human who’s growing to not wonder to not be curious?

It’s hard to answer such a simple question of your upbringing when you’ve never even seen “Middle- Eastern” or “Arabic” as an answer option on paperwork or surveys. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be able to be prideful in your culture, to know what makes you, you, and not feel disconnected from the rest.

Feeling like you’re not American enough to relate to one group of people, while not Middle-Eastern enough to fit with the other group can make you feel less important, like your background doesn’t reach the value of others. This closed off mindset has been drowning my mind for nearly 17 years now, until I finally realized the cliche, “It’s what’s on the inside that matters” truly does have some truth to it.

Self-love and appreciation is something that no ethnicity can create. Now that I am older, and possibly wiser, I can leave my clogged views behind and truly learn who I am without a label. Learning about yourself is one of life’s most rewarding experiences in so many ways. To this day, I cannot speak much Arabic. I can’t say I grew up trying exotic spices, but I can say I’m creative. I can say my heart is full and I can show you how much compassion I hold for others. That is one thing a flag cannot represent.