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Bachelor Days [COLUMN]


Credit to Violet Newton

My house has turned into the B-roll of an old western movie. 

Instead of tumbleweeds, there are takeout bags scattered across the house. 

Instead of a menacing rattlesnake, we have an 11-year-old boy who hasn’t taken a shower for five days straight. 

Instead of bank robberies, there were malicious fridge raids.

What’s the problem you ask? The sheriff had left the town on one of her work trips. 

Everything started off fine. At first we were excited, a relaxing week with little to no reminders of our once civilized life. No cleaning or eating healthy. 

Keyword: Started off. It was great. We’d eat out practically every meal. The fridge was empty of the typical milk, vegetables and lunch meat. Instead, it was replaced by a two-liter of Mountain Dew, Jello and Lunchables. All was well and good until the shine started to wear off. Eating out was no longer special. It was monotonous, repetitive, boring. I longed for the days of home-cooked meals and order. My dad and I managed to carry on our normal routines but my brother was a… special case. He hadn’t taken a shower for almost a week. He did nothing but play Fortnite or whatever video game he was obsessed with at the time.

After a few days, our sheriff would return to our slightly destroyed one-horse town. Now don’t get me wrong, our bachelor days were great. They were a special kind of freedom. They were structured but still ruleless. We all lived like 20-year-old college roommates, we had video game competitions and many gas station trips. But at the end of those few days, we were all ready for our sheriff back. My mom somehow finds a way to manage me, my dad and my shower-hating brother. Along with us, she manages a full-time job. I always looked forward to bachelor days but I was never sad when they were over.